Apology to a dear friend, getting lied to, bad mom.. bad day
this is more for me than anything..
So warning not weight loss related at all…
what a day what a day. so today was AGAIN a day I wanted to quit smoking. All good intentioned.
I did not want to tell anyone cause well i have failed over and over and over again.
well I should have warned some people who I am in contact with for sure cause I was being very sensitive made a huge deal out of nothing, cried my eyes out, hurt a dear friend.
So that was the first 30 minutes of being awake.
then my son flung a heavy toy at the cat so I smacked his diaper and put him on the chair for a timeout sort of thing. He was just not happy. so he chucked a toy at my head. Hurt like hell. well reflex I slapped him. it was not hard but it surely hurt his feelings and I felt like such a terrible mother. Still do. he was so clingy after that just wanting to know all is alright I suppose…
I am sure he is alright but the bad feeling remains for me. I was really strict with shelby when she was young and she never got in trouble really maybe because of me being so strict. but I yelled a lot and I was so scared that part of me is coming back.
well needless to say I got a pack of smokes now..
But then I had something else that happened and I am so sad and disappointed. I got lied to today and I do not know how to handle it.. I am hurt more so than anything. sad too.. yep just an online friend but I care for this person more than she knows. guess it all meant nothing 
So not the best of days. BUT my dear friend Lace was there to listen to me cry, complain, bitch vent. thanks Lacey you are my highlight today. You kept me sane and I love your honestly and bluntness..
okay so not weight loss related but this was for me and I do feel better now. it is time to make amends with my dear friend and tell her I am sorry.. I AM SORRY .. I love you.. you know that right..
I should have warned you..
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Good job putting it all out there! Your not a bad mother it happens to everyone, Thanks for the shout out
and you know my thoughts all the rest we’ve been talking for hours!! Geez lol
Kerstin, I wish that I could say “I know what you’re going through”…but honostly I don’t. I’ve never been a smoker. But I’m truely sorry you’re having one of those crappy days! I can say that time has a way of healing things. I hope things get better & that someday you’ll be able to quiet the habit you wish to quiet. Hang in there.
Yes a warning about smoking is required!
JK I think I would take a conversation in a different direction had I known that piece of information.
I’ll give you a call btwn classes tonight hon.
POOOOOR JACK! is all I’m going to say.
I have been sitting here for 10 minutes thinking of what to say. I can’t imagine how hard it is to quit smoking. I know how hard it is to not eat junk so if it is like that or worse, well I won’t go there. Sounds like you just hurt Jack’s feelings, def doesn’t make you a bad mother. I am very sorry about the friend.. I am sending some big hugs your way.
Oh, darn, sorry to hear that! Sometimes things just go all wrong in the parenting world. My daughter was a thrower/hitter for a while (I think it comes with a very strong personality), and what helped was me holding her squarely by the shoulders and telling her calmly how it is bad thing to do and how it hurts others. Last time I actually had to take her up to her room, and hold her like that through a major tantrum, and then… miraculously the hitting stopped and had not been back for a few months. We always hug and cuddle a lot after she gets a talk on bad behavoir, it helps me with feeling guilty (I know I need to do it, it’s just so damn hard!) and it helps her to know that we love her, just didn’t like what she was doing… But yeah, nothing makes me feel lousier quicker than having to discipline Kira. I am so happy she is in one of the sweet phases right now, that trying the boundaries thing was pretty tough!
I sqatted my pup on the butt once and I felt terrible afterwards and my husband got upset with me. It’s instinct then you feel like shit about it.
As far as smoking, I think everyone should try Chantix (a prescription) it works really well and it cheaper than smoking. I hate smoke but grew up with cousins and a grandpa who smoked plus a lot of patients I see smoke. I know it’s damn hard but it is SO worth it. Keep trying. They say you quit 30 times before you actually quit.
Sorry you had such a crappy day. I had a bad one too.
I meant swatted my pup….
((Kerstin))!! Yep, this day has well and truly kicked you in your pretty red head, hasn’t it? Aww–be well, be strong, and I can fathom you being a “bad mom” about as well as I can fathom myself becoming a professional insect wrangler or something! You’re an angel and a blessing to your family.
You are not a bad mom. We all have bad days. If you want to quit smoking, maybe you should ask your doctor how to do it without losing your mind.
And taper off, don’t quit all at once, that’s wwhat I did.
Kerstin;
I hope our nice, heartfelt conversation helped make you feel better. I care about you friend. And I hate to see you so upset!
You know you are a WONDERFUL mother. You take care of your kids. And you are awesome to them. Jack loves you and Shelby loves you. You are a great mom to them. I know of so many awesome stories you have shared with me about you and how much fun you have with your kids. You can tell how much you love them, and love like that, they can feel no matter how bad you *think* you messed up.
Smoking… You will quit. You CAN do it. And you will. Even if it takes time. We are not dissapointed in you AT ALL!!! And if you need to, tell us you want to quit, and we can try to help you!!! We are here for you. You have never failed. You can only fail if you stop trying. Ok? You can do it!!!
And Im sorry about your friends. Friends will be there though. Even through the toughest times. And even through the fights. Your true friends will stick this out with you. You know you have a lot of friends here and a lot of people you inspire. So smile!
You are a wonderful wife, mother, friend, and person. Never forget that.
Please get to feeling better soon Kerstin!
I hate when I decided to quit smoking. I quit every time I was preggo and then picked it right back up. I didn’t pick it up after my last kid, but during the past 2 months keeps waking me up at night. I can handle it though and you can too.
Kerstin,
I’m just repeating what some great people are saying here. You will quit smoking! I smoked for about 20 years. It took a lot of tries before I finally quit. You will quit smoking!
In the midst of being moms, wives, friends, sisters, co-workers, etc, etc we hurt people and get hurt by people. For me, being able to humbly and sincerely tell another I am sorry or I was hurt when you….makes me human. We mess up. What we do with that shows our character.
You are not a bad mom! You feel bad because you felt you overreacted, that tells me you are a good mom. It will be okay!
It hurts like hell when the people we love does wrong to us, intentionally or otherwise. Being able to forgive those people even if they don’t ask for forgiveness goes a long way in healing the pain. Maybe you can forgive your friend in time.
Ok, I’m getting off my soapbox now!!
Give your son and your daughter and yourself some lovin’! Tomorrow really is a new day!!
What a lousy day for you..I’m glad you had someone that was there to talk to you though. I hope tomarrow is a better day for you.
As for the smack–there is nothing like a child to make you doubt your abilities as a parent. However, it will soon be forgotten by him. Moms tend to remember it longer and feel bad about it. Lots of love and hugs for both of you.
As for the Chantix–if you decide to go that route..be careful and heed the warnings ok. My hubby tried it–had vivid and bizzare nightmares and made him have voilent thoughts (he didnt act any of them out though…he stopped taking it). I bet the meds helped a lot of people though that dont have that reaction.
Have a better day tomarrow.
Aww feel better Kerstin.
We all have bad days, and quitting smoking sure makes them worse. If you are having a hard time, just cut back slowly so it doesn’t hit you all at once. I do NOT think you are a bad mom, you are just having a bad day. Just reassure him that you love him and you only spanked him because what he did was bad and feel better about yourself, you are a great mom!
*hugs*
Kerstin, I am so sorry that you had such a bad day! As a mom I know that there have been times where I felt like I disaplined my children too harshly or took my emotions out on them and it is the worst feeling! The kids forget it LONG before we do so try not to beat yourself up too bad!!!
AS for the smoking if you are as dedicated about it as you are about weight loss you will succeed!!!
Aww hun I’m so sorry to hear that you had such a frustrating day!! From everything I’ve ever “heard” you say, you are an AWESOME mother!! Don’t be so hard on yourself!! He will forgive and forget wayyy before you do I bet!
As for smoking…it take everything you have! I have never smoked, but both of my parents did for years. They both quit and I had to live with them!!
lol They were beasts…but they did it and are 100% happier about not smoking!! You can do it!!! I have faith in you!!
I’m so sorry that someone hurt you!! That is never a good feeling!! I’ve had enough of those moments in my life to know that it always hurts when someone you trust betrayes that trust! Hope you feel better soon and I’m glad you got to talk it out with a good friend!!
Take care friend!!
Sorry you had a crappy day! I am sure little Jack will soon forget what happened..if he hasn’t already!! You are a wonderful Mom…and you are human. I would have prob done the same thing. Like you said it was a reaction.
Keep trying with the smokes. Something will click for ya and that will be it!! I am a smoker too..so I know where you are coming from. After I lose a good portion of the weight I need to lose, that will be my next project-to stop smoking!! You are very strong! I know you will kick it!
Sorry too that something happened with one of your friends. That is sad. I hope it can all be worked out. Hopefully it is a small misunderstanding.
Take care Kerstin!
I am so sorry Kerstin! But we moms all have our times. You sound like a great mom, though. I am also sorry about your friend, I hope you all can work it out. Hey, I have not been able to quit yet either, so don’t beat yourself up.
Don’t ever say you are not a good mother. You are an Amazing mother and your kids know that!Thanks for being there for me today even though you were going thru alot!!!
you are a good mother. That does not make you a bad mother. Leaving you kid all the time , BEATING your child, not spending time with your child. Thats a bad mother. I am very strict with my child but you know what i am so glad i am because the other day at work there were 6 of us women and they all have kids my child age between 1-3 and they say their kids are so bad they cant take them any where.. my child is so good she goes everywhere with me! everyone is so impressed at the way she acts! but its because her parents have control over her!! i am not a smoker but i know when my mom quit everyone stayed away because she was so mean! but my dad died of lung cancer so i told my mom she had to stop because i didnt want to lose both of my parents because of smoking. so if she can do it i know you can! im sure there was one point in your life where you thought i can never lose all this weight. I can never run forever. WELL LOOK AT YOU NOW HONEY! you have lost all that weight and you can run forever!! so you can stop smoking!!
i just wrote a long comment and now i dont know where it is?
I quit smoking a long time ago, but it’s still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And even then, I used to cheat a couple of times a year when I was drinking. But when I got pregnant with my first (she’s 9) the smell of smoke made me physically ill. Only then did I really quit and never smoke again. It’s not easy! But, there are nicotine produts you can use to help (I used the gum) that take the edge off. Also, I’m not sure how you feel about them, but certain anti-depressants like Wellbutrin have been shown to help alleviate symptoms and help get you through. I think you go on a short term course of them, not stay on forever. Good luck.
you are so not a bad mother!!!! ha my mom smacked me a few times for bein a brat…and i def dont hate her! i actually thank her for puttin me in my place!
Girl, I REALLY want to quit smoking too! I think about it all the time, I do I do I do! I even said today woudl be the day. Nope. I have smoked twice… And I REALLY wanna be smoking right now… I hope u r feeling better!